2003-10-19 + 8:29 p.m.

I understand that's it's been awhile.

I toyed with the idea of letting this go..we'll see.

Today was a nice day spent drinking coffee and grocery shopping with a dear friend who bought me a ton of makeup from Sephora for my birthday.

The birthday was spent at the casino, losing money and eating things that I shouldn't of.

There is a house full of people gaming and I am sitting in the bedroom, holed up with my Harry Potter novel. I'm also thirsty.

I feel like such a lady with these polished nails.

My depression and paranoia have increased as of late. I have an appointment tomorrow so this a relief. There are some things I need to discuss with her.

I have a nervous pit in my stomach that keeps me awake at night and causes my thoughts to race. I don't like to be alone and the wind that whips down the alley howls and turns my dreams when I do finally fall asleep into nightmares.

Ugh.

I've also been insane with jealousy over anything to with weddings. I see all this cool stuff that I wished I had done.

I've starting subscribing to feminist magazines. I don't know what that had to do with any of this.

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