2003-02-16 + 7:10 p.m.

My therapist asked me if I have ever looked at my vagina.

I answered her.

"Of course. If you never looked at it, how would you know if something was wrong with it."

I am a big fan of The Vagina Monologues and went into this whole rant about the role of woman and that place that alot of people seem to be afraid of.

I'm not scared of mine. I don't think it's ugly or dirty. It's a part of my body and I know it very well. Other people should know theirs too. Vaginas are you.

A part of me is angry being a woman.

A part of me is extremely upset about how women are shown in commericals. Take the JC Penny ad where the man is at home taking care of the unruly kids while the women is off at the White Sale. He looks at his bunch of sticky children and says "Where is your mother."

As if it is her job to stay home and take care of the children. She should not be out buying fucking sheets for the home.

I hate the idea that a woman should be primary care giver of the kids, have a job, do all the cooking and keep everyone in clean socks since this is the way that alot of commerical depict you as a woman.

Mothers and Fathers or partners(if they are both there) should each play an equal part in the home.

These ideas have been brought up in my mind with some of the wedding traditions since I am planning my own.

"Who gives this women to be wed?"

Was I someone's property? Do I need someone else to say it's ok for me to be married. Do I have a mind of my own?

We are omitting this from our wedding since I think even the thought of being "given away" is a silly notion.

I also refuse to have anyone walk me down the aisle as I cannot stand my father and think the idea dated.

He called me the other day and asked about weither I was going to have him do this for me to which I replied "Why? I have legs. I can walk just fine."

That whole crap about obeying. Not on your life. I donot obey unless it is law. I understand that alot people do not like this said at their weddings. I'm glad.

"I now pronounce you man and wife."

Hmmm... do I lose my identity as a women when I get married. Am I now just a wife? Is that my role now?

Husband and wife. We are equals. Noone is better then the other.

I will never be refered to as Mrs. Seth Smith (not his real last name but you get the point). I am still Christine even though I found someone I wish to share in my life.

I have learned that I am a strong women and I love that. I donot like being told to do things because they are tradition. To me just because it's tradition doesn't make it right and to me it isn't a legit point.

I never was in to the whole "doing it because everyone is". For the most point I can't stand what everyone else is doing.

There is serious thinking that I may get involved. Mentor teenage girls with ego crisises. Show them that their thoughts and feelings are valid...that they are beautiful..beautiful strong women.

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