2001-12-07 + 8:58 p.m.

If you ever noticed most of my titles are from songs. Alot of times they have nothing to do with entry. Alot of times they're on as I type.

I thought I had jury duty but it got cancelled! So I cleaned my room, the boyfriend's room and did a load of dishes. I feel like I got so much done so I decided to spend the rest of the night buring candles and soaking in a tub filled with peach bubbles.

The laundry can wait. I got myself to pamper.

I found some old jeans of mine and tried to get into them. What a laugh. The zipper wouldn't budge up at all. I'm thinking of dieting for real. I want to be a size 16 at least and be able to walk into a normal store and buy clothes. I love Torrid and all but some of their stuff doesn't fit.

My knees hurt and that's worrying me.

So how to shed pounds. Maybe I'll try the no carbs approach. Perhaps I'll cut out diary. I'm even opting for pills. Well not pills as they scare me. Alot of my friends are on those metabolism boosters but I know I'll be the one to take them and drop dead of a heart attack at age 22.

I think I'm going to look into a gym. I bet I can get Kristen to go with me and she'll keep me motivated. I do hate excerising and that weird blood in my throat feeling I get.

I am too goddamn fat and that's the bottom line. I'm not cute anymore just lardo. I walk by mirrors and blanch.

This isn't me down on myself. I weigh a good 250. See weight loss is a must. I'll keep you posted on any progress if you guys fill my guestbook with encouragement.

When I get down to that coveted size 16 I'll die. Hell if I drop down to 199 I'll die.

I did it once back in highschool. I ate alot of ricecakes and got on that scale at weight watchers and the it said 199. The place was in an uproar and I felt loved. I never went back. I really don't know why I stopped in the first place. I felt great and I wore a size 18 which is a huge deal to me as I spend most of my time rocking in size 24. I got one pair of jeans that hate eventhought they make me look good because the inside label says 28!!!! Size 28 is huge. I ripped that tag out one day because seeing it made me want to cry.

No more bread for me. No soda or sweets or wonderful blissful coffee frosty things. No more sainted McDonald's fries and lovely chicken sandwiched. Farewell five o'clock cookie break.

Hello stupid boring chicken breast and icky water.

Wish me luck!

<< - >>