2001-11-06 + 10:18 p.m.

I have such issues with being jealous. I need to reminded all the time about how cute I am. I got these abandonment issues. I don't know maybe it comes from being left alone all the time in the middle of the night.

My uncle is dying. I found this out from my cousins who came into work last night to tell me. Apparently my aunt doesn't want us to know because my mother is adopted and therefore not a real member of the family. It's been like this ever since I could remember. She always treated me weird. As if I was a second rate human.

It hurts.

I heard VNV Nation is due for a new CD soon. This brightened my day until my DM called and yelled at me for something I had no part in. I was hurt as I have worked so hard these months. I've held her store together and ran her entire Halloween season. Is this what hard work gets you. A slap in the face.

I'd be better off slacking. Then I have no reason to be yelled at. I'm suppose to be this fucking mind reader there. I'm not sure if I can do this anymore. Everyone thinks I'm so strong but I know the truth.

I'm not steel. I can harden up but if I drown I'll fall apart.

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